“First do no harm,” is a concept often applied to medical practice. It’s important to the practice of active love also, and truthfully, is not easily done. Often, renunciation of harm while seeking justice is called ‘nonviolence,’ and related actions are described under the term, ‘resistance.’
Reactions to threat
Fight, flight, freeze or fawn are the commonly described reactions to threat, and resistance is mainly a fight response. In order to resist a person, one needs to see the other as opponent, not a part of ourselves. In order to resist a group, one needs to categorize, stereotype and label. Usually in the process, the resistor, is demonized by their opposition, who shape the narrative with themselves as the victims and their opposition as the predator or monster. It doesn’t move opposing parties into deeper relationship. Instead, it separates, and fortifies barriers.
Can we achieve a world without nuclear weapons, or end a war, or end homelessness, or stop global warming, or stop an authoritarian regime by using resistance? Resistance implies a division. Can we possibly achieve a whole world (or whole nation, or whole culture) solution by dividing it?
Fight separates. Flight, by definition, separates also. Freeze neither separates, nor repairs, nor makes changes to harmful actions or systems. It allows other actors to make the decisions, even when those decisions are violent. Fawn capitulates. By feeding a harmful relationship, it does not seek a just one. Are these really our only choices?
Our discourse on threat responses appears very limited. People certainly do other things as well! People join together for strength, safety and healing. People give testimony, change systems, pray, dance, reach out, vision a different pathway. Many carry out such actions and still label them resistance, but it’s important to distinguish when an action separates people and when fosters a coming together in understanding and care. Without this awareness, we cannot make conscious choices to starve separations and feed relationships and it is therefore difficult to come to a place of justice and peace.
Dilemmas of ‘Won’t Power’
People speak of ‘will power’ as having the dedication, discipline, and drive to make something happen. One can think of resistance as ‘won’t power.’ When addressing a need for justice, we often speak in terms of how to stop something. How do we stop countries from building or using nuclear weapons? How do we stop racism? How do we stop wealthier neighbors from demanding policies that unhouse poorer ones? There are inherent problems with framing justice work in this way.
1. Use of force. We cannot compel someone to stop something without in some way using force, whether that is physical, legal, psychological, economic, or otherwise. We can, however, model openness by listening to others and examining ourselves to discover our own participation in violence, and our own witness to harm… a kind of confession that brings healing. We can then choose with awareness what may foster healthier relationships.
2. What you resist, persists. Concentrating attention on what you oppose can make it nearly impossible for it to go away. Don’t think of a white elephant! Don’t eat candy today! A change in language can mean so much more than semantics. It can redirect actions and focus. Does it work better to oppose nuclear weapons or work affirmatively for trust and safety between nations? Instead of ending homelessness, call for housing for all! Demand racial justice now! And then let your actions follow from the envisioning statement instead of the negating one.
3. Exclusion or inclusion? Resistance requires exclusion. When you choose a side, you draw a line defining people on the opposite side as ‘enemy.’ They are excluded from being seen in a positive way, or often even a human way. Even when you make a circle of belonging around a group sharing life experiences or perspective or beliefs, it’s still just a line taking a certain shape. The people on one side are included, the people on the other side are excluded. They don’t belong. If we join together for communities of strength and safety, though, how do we avoid the problem of exclusion from the circle? By reaching out to form new relationships of justice. What was a circle becomes a star, with the rays of energy continually reaching out with care, and bringing people into a growing body of light and love.
4. Dualism and domination. Focusing language and actions on resistance encourages black and white thinking, because it’s based on condemnation of something, and of the people who are associated with it. It also engages a faith in dominance. After all, what is sought is that people with the ‘right’ beliefs win the day. The Sufi poet, Rumi said, “Out beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing, there is a field, I’ll meet you there.” Jesus said, “Do not condemn and you will not be condemned.” Choosing a unitive focus that engages faith in community partnerships holds space open for mercy, accountability, forgiveness, and healing.
Moving in Freedom
A powerful maxim of nonviolence work is ‘noncooperation with an unjust law.” In the practice of active love, we do not disturb this practice too much. We only make a slight adjustment to shift away from a resistance framework and into positive-flow language and images. In active love, we move with freedom to live by the law of love.
If we frame our action in the negative (noncooperation) it becomes much harder to hold on. It hardens us to hold a line when we’re constantly battered. It’s emotionally draining to rage at the other side. It destroys us to dehumanize others through ridicule and contempt and to be dehumanized by others who are behaving similarly. How do we go home to our families, friends, communities with love? How do we form that star of inclusivity?
The people who make unjust laws are resisting the law of love. If you are living by love, would you follow a law that separates and harms people? No. It’s incompatible. If you have the courage and discipline to be fully committed to it, then even if the unjust attack you, you hold your ground and continue to live and move in the freedom of love for yourself and others until the unjust either awaken, or force you to stop even if you pay a serious price,
In doing so, you hold space for a relationship of respect. You give courage to others who want to stand up too, and you wound those who harm you, sometimes in a way that opens them to change. If it seems too frightening and painful to put yourself in this position, if it seems to risk your loved ones, move gently. Look for small ways to move in freedom. Make a smaller sacrifice. Take on what you can handle, but take a step. You are needed.
Is disagreement the same as resistance?
It’s not possible for people to never disagree. We have to be able to have discussions and share when there’s hurt and anger, and work out misunderstandings and conflicts. Of course, the ideal is that stakeholders listen and look for ways to move forward that reduce harm and maintain or improve healthy relationship. Restorative justice methods can be used to hold and respect difficult emotions while supporting accountability, resolutions, and healing.
Moving Forward
Setting aside resistance feels counterintuitive to many. When severe harm has been endured, there is a felt need to demand, STOP!! Here are suggestions for considering how to move in a different way.
1. Notice – Cultivate mindful awareness to listen to yourself and others. Notice emotions the situation is bringing up. Anger, fear, defensiveness, guilt, shame, and other emotions relating to resistance are valid. They’re letting you know something is wrong and action is needed.
2. Attend – Sitting still long enough to deeply listen to yourself and others often is the first action. In urgent situations where the feeling is panic, terror, or rage, find someone to be with you, to help you be safe. It is likely that whatever action is taken together will be a stronger, healthier, more effective response.
3. Reframe & Act – Consider possible responses that operate outside of the fight or flight, freeze or fawn paradigms, and then carry them out. Continue to notice when things shift and don’t feel in flow again, then attend and reframe to an adjusted course of action again.